Mommy Commencement Speech

          Now that all the children have headed back to school, I thought it was a perfect time for a Commencement Speech for Mommy's. A rally cry as we all go forth through the tears, the joys, the heartaches that come with a new school year. Whether it's sending our little ones off for the very first time or watching our almost adults begin the first year of college, there's something about this time of year that calls for Mommy Camaraderie.

       We tell ourselves this year is going to be different. I'm going to pack lunches the night before, I'm going to have home cooked meals every night, I'm going to volunteer more at the school, I'm going to have at least one date night a month, and I'm ABSOLUTELY going to start that Zumba class!! We make promises to ourselves and find ourselves remaking them by New Years and letting them fall to the waste side by spring break.

       It is very easy to tell you to relax. It's easy to give you the long list of Mommy-Feel-Good lines that are printed over and over. It is harder to make those words resound, make you take them to heart. It is nearly impossible to make you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're doing fine, especially when you feel like everything around you is in chaos. That feeling is normal. Every mom has it whether they admit it or not. So many of us try to portray perfection. even though TV & movies have been open to showing the "ugly-side' of motherhood- the no-make up, dinner from a can, messy living room, chasing after a 3 year old, miss-matched sock reality of it all. But even this does not ease the burden of actually raising children.

      So I say this to you: Be kind to yourself.  Please. There is only one you, no good substitute or replacement is available. You are your child parent- for better or worse. So do the things that make you happy. Be an example to them that life is about smiles and laughter, love and joy. Enstil in them a strong work ethic and an equally sense of self-worth by living it. The dishes won't complain about sitting in the sink for an our while you read bedtime stories and if you can learn to ignore your nagging inner voice the laundry will wait diligently until after your yoga class.

     It is still your life even though it sometimes may feel that you've given over control to Eris, the goddess of chaos. You deserve happiness, just as your children do. So give yourself a break (literally and figuratively) take a long walk and forgive yourself for ordering take out 3 nights in a row. Make a promise to relinquish some of that control, slack the reigns and enjoy the ride.

Deciding on Discipline

One of the toughest jobs a parent has is as disciplinarian. It's easy to get swept up in emotion and add stressed, over worked, and over tired to the mix and you'll find yourself yelling and telling your kids to go to their rooms and not to come out 'til they're 30! Here are a few tips on how to deal with disciplining your kids.

This is not a referendum on spanking and having a discussion on how to discipline your child doesn't have to be a to spank or not to spank talk. What techniques you use, are up to you as parents. But the key to a good discipline is consistency.

• First develop a punishment scale. Not every crime deserves the same punishment. So, don't give small missteps the same consequence as major ones. If you do, there is nothing to keep your child from acting out in a big way; and you'll forever need to think of bigger and badder punishments for them.
• Avoid open-ended punishment. Make sure the consequence has an specific end time. Whether that's sitting in time out for 5 minutes or no TV for a week, having a set ending for punishments makes disciplining easier for you and the child. This helps keep infractions separate and you can be sure you are properly doling out punishment. It also keeps your child from feeling stuck in an endless cycle, where they need to be perfect. For example if you've taken away the TV for a week and your child misbehaves on the next to the last day, instead of adding another week of no TV, trying taking away phone or internet privileges. This way they feel the immediate sting of losing another privilege, in two days they get back the TV but still have to wait another 4 days for the phone.
• Breathe. Take some time before doling out the sentence. In the heat of the moment we may not realize what is actually going on. Take a moment, you may remember that you took the frame off the shelf while cleaning and were distracted by a phone call when you told the kids to go play in the den -- Or that your son only hit his sister after being tormented about his new braces for an hour. Do the kids still need to be disciplined yes, but not to the same degree as if these acts were deliberate or unprovoked.
• Reverse the Strategy. Reward the good behavior with lots of praise and attention. You don't have to bribe them or to shower them with expensive gifts for things like doing homework and cleaning their room. But noticing your kids when they do things right will help keep them from doing things wrong. Try things like letting a avid reader get an extra story at bedtime every day they have their homework done on time and their bed made, or let an outdoorsy kid get ten extra minutes of play just because she asked nicely and didn't whine.
• Stick to it. Don't let your kids out of a punishment just because you're sick of them being in the house, or because you want to go out. This only teaches children that if they make a nuisance of themselves they'll never really have to finish out a sentence. Instead try a "work-release" program, where they can earn time off their punishment by exhibiting not just good behavior, but unselfish behavior. For example, for every hour they help clean the yard, sort recycling, etc., they get back an hour of playtime.
• Don't make family time a punishment. As kids get older time with their friends becomes more and more important, but don't try not to force children to spend time with the family because they acted out in school. The last thing you want is for your kids to hate spending time with you as a family.
• Be a Role Model! Modeling good behavior for your kids is prime. Treat them with respect and they will being to show respect to others, their friends and to you! Kids are smart and they pick up on things very quickly. Soon you will see a positive shift with less and less time and effort spent on correcting bad behavior.

Toy Buying Tips

There are millions of toys out there. But just like everything else in this modern world, toys are getting more and more complex. Flashing lights, moving parts, and music are just a few of the things that manufacturers use to get us to to buy their products for our little ones. However, not every toy in the toy store is beneficial to your child. Here are three tips to help you navigate the aisles.

1) Good Toys Can Be Used in Different Ways. A ball being bounced, tossed and rolled; or a train set that can be re-arranged to create different scenes; toys like blocks, rings, and connecting sticks can be used over and over and encourage children to use their imagination.

2) Good Toys are Made to Last and are Durable. The best toys don't have tons of little pieces. They can be washed easily and will still work after being tossed in the tub or down a flight of stairs . Kids are tough on their toys and the toys should be able to hold up to the beating.

3) Good Toys are Safe, Interactive and Age Appropriate. Whether that means chunky puzzles for your 1 year old or a model car for your 13 year old; a good toy challenges your child's mind and it must be handled. It must be able to stand up to your child's close scrutiny and inspection. A toy that only needs a child to press a button and watch it go, does nothing to develop the child's imagination or creativity.

Not to worry about buying the latest and greatest; we've all spent money on some expensive gimmicky contraption, only to stand in amazement when our child tosses it aside and uses the box as a holding pin for his imaginary three ring circus!

Learn more about toys & child development at The Early Years Institute.

4 Things Your Kids Will Do That You Shouldn't Take Personally

Not everything your kid does is a poor reflection on you. Here are four things that every child does that you shouldn't pull your hair out over.

1. Ignore You: From a toddler mesmerized by Mickey Mouse or a teenager not picking up her cell phone, kids are going to ignore their parents. The reasons will vary, but every child will do it - at some point. Your best course of action is not to scold or chastise too much; this way, your words will hold more weight when you do talk.
2. Break Things: Just like you shouldn't loan out anything you'd be upset not to get back, don't give your kids anything that you'd be mad at them for breaking; because cell phones end up in toilets, lamps end up in pieces, earrings gets lost and eventually cars end up backing over mailboxes. Childhood is messy!
3. Experiment: Kids are curious and they want to learn about the world around them. As they get older this desire doesn't die, it develops into a need to participate in their world. So whether it's an infant sticking everything into his mouth, a pre-schooler trying to climb a drain pipe, a tween dealing with peer pressure, or a 15 year-old wondering about sex -protect them from what you can. Teach them to know all the facts and to weigh the consequences before making decisions so you can trust them to use their better judgment when you're not around.
4. Grow Up: Every parent knows that the moments of childhood are fleeting. The years go so fast and before you know it that giggly 6 year old is 16 and asking you if he can go tour colleges 1000 miles away - without you!! And no matter what you do, how hard you wish, it is going to happen. Your baby will grow up. Trying to fight it will only cause tension between you.
   The time will pass whether you are on good terms with your child or bad, so let the little things go, appreciate your kids for who they are, and let them grow in love and laughter. Enjoy each stage of their lives because when you try to keep them in the past, you miss out on their present!

Letting Kids Choose

Ever wonder what's so funny to your child as she flicks the switch and gets the elephant to appear on her pop-n-see? It's not the funny sound or even the sudden appearance of the "effelant"; It's simple cause and effect. She caused the elephant to appear and that makes her happy. Children are happiest when they can exercise some control over their surroundings (think about it: you don't like being told what to do, so why should they?). Giving your child simple options and allowing him to make decisions is a great way to let them be in control of their lives - partially at least. This is a small step towards independence, gaining self confidence, learning self reliance and strengthening the parent-child bond.

I'm not recommending you let your 3 year old do whatever he wants. However, letting him choose between wearing the blue pirate shirt or the green dinosaur shirt, helps him to begin to identify what he wants and why. This simple action goes a long way in building his identity. He is also more likely to show an interest in getting dressed (which is helpful if you have a little streaker at home) if he's included in the process. He'll feel more confident, a strong sense of pride, and a smidgen of respect for you, for allowing him the freedom to choose. And don't stress things that don't really matter. Give them free range over things that you're not going to be a stickler about. Which book they read at bed time is far less important than the fact that they are reading. So if they want to read Good Morning, Sun at 9pm, read it!

Allowing children to make their own choices also helps teach them about consequences. Once your daughter decides on wearing the pink sneakers, she shouldn't be allowed to change her mind over and over again making everyone late for work and school. She was given the options and now she has to live with the pink sneakers for today. Constantly giving in to children shows them that your boundaries are meaningless and they begin to lose respect for you as an authority figure. So hold firm to your limits. If the options are broccoli or carrots with dinner and they ask for corn for the third night in a row, gently explain that "We had corn yesterday, today we can have broccoli or carrots. We can have corn again on Thursday."

The key to letting your kids make choices is being comfortable with all the options you give them. Don't give her options that you don't approve of, that will upset you, or if you're not going to be supportive of her decision. Just because you think the yellow rain coat looks cuter, doesn't mean she's wrong for choosing the red one. Respect the fact that she likes the red coat and feels more comfortable and confident wearing it. So make sure their options are age appropriate and parent approved, and then leave the decision making to them.